You would have loved me back then,
When I had missed the lesson about moderation,
Brazen and capricious
Fiery and fearless,
Back when consciousness meant nothing to me.
You would have hated me back then
When I had missed the lesson about toleration,
Selfish and vicious,
Arrogant and heartless,
Back when consequence meant nothing to me.
You would have seen me back then,
When I had skipped the lecture about subjugation,
Bold and seditious
Bright and shameless,
Back when dignity meant less than nothing to me.
Those days where I knew what I was,
Something dangerous and powerful and dying,
Bound up in pvc and absinthe,
Doling out kisses and lies,
The clock was ticking.
No-one could hurt me.
I had nothing to lose.
And then the countdown stopped.
The luminance of risk burnt itself out,
And left me hollow and raw,
You might pity me now,
Now I’m learning the trick of bifurcation,
Weak and suspicious,
Lost and faceless,
Now that balance means everything to me.
The lessons I refused to learn,
Teaching lessons of their own.
And in the graceless fevers that I wrought,
in search of an escape I still crave,
Are still remnants of my ragged psyche waiting for me to collect them.
(c) Accidental Tentacles 2016